The biggest journey of serious health challenges is the process of mentally busting out of the matrix. Getting stuck on how life should look gets people stalled in denial, frustration and resistance.
Having a chronic illness changes everything, but it doesn’t make you a failure at life.
Turning your back on lifelong dreams is no easy task. The grieving process needs to happen. It is easy to get caught up in comparison. Everyone in the social media age is constantly confronted with others’ life highlight reels.
It can be easy to absorb “you failed at life” attitudes from others too. People identify with the achievements, career and success of their friends, partners and adult children. If the way you are living is not deemed successful enough they may project that shame. Women are often shamed for electing not to have children due to their health challenges. Prejudice about the “type” of people that end up on disability support or pain medication is common.
As such, part of your healing process may involve setting boundaries and distancing yourself from some people.
Trouble also stems from workaholic culture, where being overly busy, tired, frazzled and caffeine driven is almost a bragging point. What is commonly accepted as normal is unhealthy.
The end result is that people keep trying to push through. By the time they finally stop or cut down, their systems are in a really bad way and their relationships are in meltdown. It will take longer to bounce back. Many of us, keen to get back in the game, have also returned to work or study too soon and caused relapses.
After 20+ years as part of the Invisible Illnesses community, I see a common thread in those who have a measure of happiness and satisfaction, independent of health status.
They have altered of their concepts of how things should look and made peace with the fact that their life path has been seriously detoured – if not forever, at least for the next few years. But they don’t see this as a reflection on their personal worth, or what they have to offer the world.
Don’t compare with other people’s health journey: The toxic comparison virus can strike anyone. Instead of being inspired by others’ recovery stories, sometimes people get very bitter. Snarky comments from other patients are becoming more common on social media. No-one will never know the full behind-the-scenes story. All recoveries, whether partial or full, were long term, came at a price, and had setbacks.
What might a new paradigm of success look like?
Totally up to you. Realistic goals are key. First and foremost, making health the priority!
- Painsomnia free and sleeping through the night
- Finding a diet that doesn’t cause symptoms
- Rediscovering an old hobby eg. drawing
- Being able to walk to the park
- Being able return to part time work or study
For most this means a transition to a greener, slower-paced, more present life. More time is spent on preparing healthy home-made food. Many transition to a different career path.
There is a great quote that comes to mind here:
There is a feeling we have sometimes of betraying some mission that we were mandated to fulfil, and being unable to fulfil it. And then coming to understand that the real mandate was NOT to fulfil it. And that the deeper courage was to stand guiltless in the predicament in which you find yourself.
~ Leonard Cohen
For more insightful thoughts on living with chronic illness, you can also follow Von Danse on Instagram @theTangledPath
This blog is for educational purposes only and not meant as a substitute for medical care.
Your thoughts?